How To Survive Trauma Like A Lady Boss
My intentions with this blog have become very clear in the last year; help 20-30 year old women with their business, branding, life skills, and personal growth… however, this yearhas tested me in a whole new way. There has never been a skilled knight who didn’t occasionally need to fight a few battles. What’s the point of knowing how to wave a sword if you never have to? What’s the purpose of your decorated uniform if you just step down? Why would you need the armor made of Valerian steel if it’s just going to sit and collect dust above the fireplace? Well, God agrees with me.
Sometimes, suffering is inevitable and it’s our job to find it within us to stand, fight, and rise above adversity.
As I reflected the last month,I spent some time wallowing, wondering, and whisperingto myself. I spent hours adrift, aloof, and astounded. I couldn’t help but feel like I had been living this manufactured, surreal life, that was simply just a performance and maybe, just maybe, I was not the only one who was running into hardship. I know that whoever you are, if you’re reading this, you are going through something too. Whether or not we admit it, whether or not we are in the heat of it… we have all gone through something, are going through something currently, or HEY, sorry for the heads up, are about to head into something. Trauma is just a part of life.
Whatever your reality is, it’s realand it’s validated.
So, I do not sit on any high horse (that’s for sure), but I do want to share how I have maintained my composure (barely, I might add) and withstood the trials of 2019;the year of our Lord.(Joke, that was a joke.)
ONE : Action
I debated whether to put this first, or to make this the last punch… because it is without doubt the most important. I went with first.
In a book I’ve been reading recently, The War of Art, the author speaks to this “thing” called the Resistance. It’s the powerful energy that keeps you from moving forward in anything you aspire to do. That continued education? That philanthropic mission? Those abs? That next job? That diamond ring? Whatever that thing is, call it the devil, call it the painful negativity in the universe… it stops us. It takes everything in us to break through it and take action.
If you are going through something that is crippling you, you have to stand up and take action. It can be small. It can be a phone call. It can be a text. It can be a quick note to yourself that you leave on the fridge. It can be an application. One healthy meal. One drive where you take the long way home to think.
The truth is, you know exactly what you have to do. You aren’t stupid. You know. You just have to Nike it up and just DO IT.
TWO : Good People
There are three kinds of close relationships, that inevitably take priority in this order. Family, friends that are like family, and romantic relationships. Obviously the goal is to take #3 and make them into a #1, but at the end of the day, divorces happen and then you’re back at the original #1. There really is nothing like blood, length of time, and commitment to show you who your people really are.
If you do not invest in good people, when you experience trauma, you lose. Homeless do not run out of money, they run out of relationships. If you are going through the ringer, you NEED to retreat. You need to focus on the good, the people that will drop anything to be there for you and have in the past, and the personal relationships that feed you time and time again.
Seek them out. Call them up. Oh, and make sure you don’t leave them behind in your next relationship, job, or expedition.
THREE : Newness
Out with the old, in with the new.
The best thing you can do within trauma is to get a lil refresher. A fresh start is what you need. Sitting around wallowing in the old is not getting you anywhere. There will be a time to review, retreat, and rethink those old memories and times… but in the midst of hardship… get out and get some fresh air. It might be a new coffee drink, a different cocktail, a job on the other side of town, or even a hike you’ve never done. You need to start establishing newness in your new life outside of that hardship.
FOUR : Reflection
Losing a job might mean it wasn’t right for you. Losing a deal, a relationship, a best friend, an opportunity may just mean that it wasn’t meant for you. BUT. These are the times you need to evaluate whether or not it WAS or WAS NOT a good thing. Everything feels terrible in the thick of it! Something that may be so good for you may feel terrible at the time, but with a little reflection… could change the game for you.
FIVE : Resiliency
You need to be able to bounce back. Wake up, move on, work on it, embrace change, alleviate yourself of the shameand guilt and move up and out. There is no quality I will teach my child that is more important to me in the long run. Everyone gets kicked down from time to time.
How long does it take for you to shake it off and get back up?
SIX : Find Positive Outlets of Relief
I may not know you and you may not really know me. I’m SURE there is something you love to do that is positive, uplifting, and healing. For me, it’s writing songs. Sometimes things are so debilitating that it actually makes it hard to even write a sad song… but you’ve just got to do it. Seek relief from those positive outlets. Don’t let yourself lose those special things that help you. Maybe it’s a hike. Maybe it’s live music. Maybe it’s a weekend trip to the coast. You do you… but also, push yourself to do things that promote healing.
Well, this concludes the end of my flight to California. It was highly productive if I do say so myself. I appreciate you as a person, whoever you are, and I am thankful that you care enough to listen to my words… no matter how scattered, no matter how rough.
Whatever you are going through right now, know that these things come in waves. When it rains, it pours. When it pours, the crops are watered and they’ll grow 10x over when the next sun hits.
Thank you for being there for me as followers, readers, and friends.
Until next time,
chels
