How to Avoid Being Labeled
Do you remember the kid that always smelled?He was labeled the kid with B.O.
Do you remember the friend who is always tardy? She is labeled that disrespectful late girl
Do you have a family member who tells boring stories?He is labeled a bore.
Do you remember when you were a cheerleader?You were labeled that dumb, popular girl who could only wave her pom-poms.
Sometimes other people label us and it isn’t always correct.
But you know who does the most labeling? The most harmful labeling?
Ourselves.
Let’s say you’re really getting into being vegetarian. My mom is now basically vegan (note the word basically). If I baked her cookies and brought them over, she would try one. She isn’t like a, “can’t take her anywhere, super special, hard to go out with” kind of vegan. She just did some research on how to prevent dementia and wants to have a more plant-rich diet. Does she make a lot of interesting foods that I might never have tried otherwise? Yes. Does she judge me for eating grilled chicken? No. She’s figured out how to be “mostly 90% vegan” without labeling herself “forever changed”.
The problem with going ALL in on something and letting it define you… is that people change.
If you surround yourself with tons of people who like you and admire you and agree with you and follow you because of the label you’ve set for yourself… you’re truly going to be VERY disappointed when these people don’t like it when you CHANGE. I feel the same way about celebrities who pride themselves on their hot bodies, like, you know what happens when they gain weight? People scowl. People tease. People Magazine posts a million pictures of their love handles all over. But have you ever seen an awful pic of Adele at the beach? No. She didn’t define herself by her body, she defined her career as a beautiful singer. If she lost her voice, people would be sad… but they wouldn’t hate her.
When we are young, we do everything to stay away from labels (unless it includes that word “popular”)… but when we get older, we create them, name ourselves them, and abide by them…and then eventually, we are hurt by them.
My dad would always try hard not to call my brother “shy” growing up, because, despite the fact that he was actually really shy, my dad knew that if you meet someone, and introduce your kid as shy, they will then… think that they are shyand try to live up to it. He was super intentional about making sure he didn’t label Isaiah shy… and guess what, he grew out of it and he is super social now.
I know young moms who define themselves by their motherhood. Snowboarders who define themselves as a ski bum. Accountants, swimmers, people who smoke cigarettes, readers, folks who are astranged from their families, etc. who all actually believe that they are THAT THING and that THAT THING defines them.
I have a whole host of issues. I strive to NOT let those things define me. If I let a disease, a death, a relationship, my bank account, my friends, anything define who I am… then I’m holding myself back from REALLYbecoming the best that I can be.
I’ve learned that using words like “trying out Paleo” or “trying to be more adventurous” or “spending some time reading books instead of going out” work a lot better when you fall off the wagon. Sometimes I think quitting something cold turkey or telling everyone that you now are completely THIS or THAT can actually stunt your growth and make you feel trapped.
What have you labeled yourself as?
What is holding you back?
Have you ever tried something and failed because it was too much to live up to?
I would encourage you to think about who you are inside. What is your character? Define yourself by that. If you care so deeply about animals, just say “I care for animals and so I try not to eat meat”, instead of bashing people who do and cutting yourself off from the possibility of change.
I know someone who, if she posted herself eating a cheeseburger, would get hate mail. Hate comments. People would be outraged! Is that the kind of following you want? Are those the kinds of people you want to engage with? People that only like you because you identify with a certain way of life?
I didn’t think so.
There are some labels I don’t mind, like creative, bright, interesting. But then again, there are times where I am not those things, and I hope that everyone is okay with it.
At the end of the day, I hope that you believe you’re more than just a label, because you are.
You’re not just a foster kid, you’re not just a single mom, you’re not just an accountant.
You are so much more.
Hope you’re having a beautiful Thursday,
Xo
