How to Cope with Judgment
I don’t know about you but I’m a full-fledged people pleaser. I was the teacher’s pet raising her hand in class. I try to say the right thing and stay away from too much conflict. I constantly feel like I have to apologize for being myself. Some of this all has just been internalized, some of it I speak out on. I typically try to make these blogs uplifting and positive, but sometimes you just have to talk about the tough things in life.
I try to surround myself with people who accept me for who I am, but it’s not always easy. There are days when one person gets me and another does not. All in all, I’m sure you’ve felt the same way. Maybe there is an in-law that can’t stand you, maybe there is a cousin you never agree with, maybe an old friend who still can’t accept the way you are after 30 years. No matter who we are, we all have to face some judgement at some time.
So how do we deal with it?
I have come up with a few ways to combat being judged.
Combat may be the wrong word, but it’s the first thing that came to mind, because sometimes it feels like that.
ONE : ASSUME THE BEST
It’s naturally hard for me to assume that someone meant the best when they hurt me. I think that someone is intentionally going after me and going out of their way to bring me down. If you turn those thoughts around, you can step back and just say “they were just being playful” “they just care” “they probably don’t realize what they are saying is hurtful”… you know, you have the power there. Maybe they were vindictive, but if you give them the benefit of the doubt, you can win that fight.
TWO : GET TOUGH
There are some situations in life that really strike me hard and I can easily get back up. There are however, times when people REALLY take the wind out of my sails. I’ve had to really work on “not letting things get to me”. The worst is when all you want (in the world) is to impress someone and they are SO totally and unequivocally unimpressed. Like, nothing you do can make up for what you’ve done, who you are, or who you are trying to be. I have people in my life that put this on me. I shutter when I speak in front of them. I feel constantly taunted and discouraged by them. Although I can choose to just not be around them, relationships are important to me and the best thing I can do is try my best to be tough. To not take things personally. To be confident in who I am and just accept that not everyone is going to agree with it.
THREE : PICK AND CHOOSE
Pick your fights wisely. Pick the people you surround yourself with. If they do not bring you life, then don’t go out of your way to be around them. I even have some friends who are “fake mean” to me and it’s still not the most pleasant thing. Sometimes you have no choice. Maybe it’s a coworker or a family member or someone you just can’t rid yourself of… but most of the time, you can choose the energy you want to surround yourself with. You’d be surprised who can cause drama in your life if you let them.
FOUR : DEAL WITH ADVERSITY IN A POSITIVE WAY
If something gets you down, don’t turn to liquor, ice cream, poor habits or risky behavior. Maybe call up a friend you trust, read a book, write a blog, or talk it out. You may even just need time. Time may not heal all things but it sure helps a lot. Although small comments really affect me, I try not to let them weigh over me for too long.
FIVE : REFLECT
Maybe there is a good reason why they are speaking out against you. Maybe you are stubborn and don’t want to hear it. Taking some time to reflect on what the conflict was about is a really good chance to step back and analyze ourselves. What was the conflict about? Can it be resolved?
The moral of the story is that you have to own it. You can’t change the judgment that is PUSHEDon you. You can’t change the things that happen to you. You can change the way you handle it. You can change the way you look at things. The person staring back at you in the mirror is truly the ONLY person whose opinion you should care about.
Are YOU happy with YOU?
If you are, then hey, you’ll be fine.
At the end of the day, there ARE people who understand you and love you for who you are… no matter what you are, what you’ve been, or what you’re going to be. Those are the people who truly matter… and what the haters say should just go under the bridge.
I hope this was helpful for you in some way..
Happy Wednesday,
Phone Case is by The Jimmy Case, shirt is from Target, and Skirt is Fashion Nova.
